ThankYOuComeAgin

Thanksforcoming..I hope we can enlighten eachother on this thing called life and enjoy Jesus at the same time!



Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Crushing..

I've been thinking about this lately. I should probably be open and put all of my cards on the table. I have a crush! Big whoop right?! lol Stop the presses! Should this really be big news? I think so. As a woman striving to put on Christ, it's a topic that is of interest to me--especially since I have been known to be socially awkward. What are the politics of Christian crushing? I'm kind of wondering if I should even be feeling this way at all. Though I have to admit that crushes can be sweet little things. You smile when you think about that special person, and visions of your Christian union might keep you occupied when you should be diligently studying something else.
One of my main concerns, and the reason why I was hesitant to admit this in the first place is that I don't want to lose focus on God and shift it to a fallible human being. It's just that in our overtly romanticized culture, relationships are everything. We all want to fall head over heels in love. I know that's not real but sometimes it sure seems appealing.
What makes matters worse is that the guy has no idea I feel this way, (that's actually a good thing) and I have no idea of knowing if he feels the same. Why would he? We barely know eachother! But I love the way he flips through the pages of his bible, and the way he prays is oh so dreamy! lol
This is something that I hope passes, and soon! I am certainly not ignorant to the axiom, that Satan walks about like a roaring lion. Give him an inch and he'll take a football field.
That is not to say I intend on living my life out in secluded weirdness. Sexual attraction is a God given trait, but it has a place and appointed time. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit and is one that I certainly need to exercise.
He's still dreamy, and focused on God which I love the most, but God gives good things. And if this good thing is for me, he most certainly will not withhold it.

Here's to running the race.
Akos

Monday, December 5, 2011

Don't Wait Til Midnight.....

Its just after midnight. My academic career for the year of 2011 will officially be over in 7 days. I am tired and weary. This has been a trying semester. My faith and beliefs were consolidated, I still have questions but one thing's for sure--when I was in need, there was only One that delivered me. I don't have a new years resolution, only to be discarded like a diet never kept. I do however know what I want. It's what I've always wanted: To be happy. To have Joy and peace. To love myself and to trust God.
I have fallen, but what else is new? Each time I do, I know who to turn to. I don't, however, want to continue to be hindered by the same thorn. I current goal is to surmount this plateau in my faith. I want to know God in a more intimate way. Something that I've always heard others speak of, but was never able to experience for myself.

I am given privy to how messed up I really am. It would be foolish to rely on my own strength. Yet, I have done this for my entire life. As I stand back up, and dust myself off I am cognizant of my stumbling block. Something I had never known before, or just failed to acknowledge. Me. Its me and has always been  me.  Granted life dealt me malevolent cards as a child, and I was tainted, but in my adult years its all me. I have to conquer these demons, and I shall do just that. With God impossible is nothing. I will follow you forward.
Each year in churches I hear the same refrain, from the same people that don't seem to be changing. They declare that the next  year will be their year to do better to change. The truth is changing is hard. Difficult but not impossible. Its so easy to continue to do the same things over and over again even if they are harming you, because of familiarity and repetition. When you are used to doing the same thing in a certain way over and over again, it becomes second nature. Its like the password to your email address. Do you even think about it when your typing it in? NO. Your fingers have been so trained to enter those exact keystrokes, that even if you changed the password you would reflexively type the old one in. You'd have to retrain your brain and fingers to enter the new password on command. And eventually you would get it, but it'd have to be a conscious effort. The same goes for other areas of our lives that we expect to alter. I have to retrain myself not to procrastinate because I am tired. If I were in my room, that bed would be calling me. lol

Here's to change
Peace.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Exasperated with Self

Its time to be transparent. At this present juncture in life I am quite frustrated with myself. Bad habits that I seem to hold near and dear to my heart might lead to my demise if I don't make drastic changes and soon. Brief glimpses of the life I want keep me longing for more. I have a destiny and I know it, but I'm not quite sure what it is. I have friends that seem to have their lives worked out just fine and then i wonder, if there is something wrong with me. Taking my own advice, I told a friend, the best thing to do when overwhelmed by your own flaws and failures is to focus on God's love and his perfection. He said he has granted me all things that pertain to life and godliness. It is one thing to quote scripture; living it out is an entirely different story and one that right now seems to be the most difficult.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

He Wants Me!

He wants to be close to have a real tangible relationship with me, so I decide to go for it. Purging other things out, to make room for Him.
No else could proffer anything more spectacular.
Let's see how this goes....

BTW He wants You TOO. Contemplate letting Him love You.
1 Pet 5:7 D.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Perfect Things

I've been meditating on this scripture for the past few days: James 1: 13-18

Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
 Do not err, my beloved brethren.
 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

Like every human being I have fallen to temptation, often the same one, Satan hasn't any new tricks. The thing is, that when something entices me...the lusts of  my flesh will desire things that my rational mind knows aren't beneficial. Still I was convinced that this thing, was somehow still good, because it felt good, looked good and tasted good, at least initially.
I think the key part of this scripture is verse 16 "Don't be deceived my dear brothers and sisters (NIV), every good and perfect gift is from above" Psalms 84:11 says "...no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly".

Stop focusing on the thing that you don't/can't have, and instead realize that all God wants to give you is the good. And if it were good you would have it. Some of the things we want are clearly damaging to our bodies, minds, and souls. "Don't be deceived, God only has the good for you". The small things that my flesh desire, lead to sin and ultimately death. Death = separation from God in the here and now, along with the hereafter.
So every time I'm tempted to please my flesh, I have to renew my mind, reminding myself that its not desirable anyway. Why should anyone focus on the one forbidden tree, and ignore the thousands that were freely given?
God IS Good. Allow no one to tell you otherwise.

Peace
Denell.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Fooling Around

I've been thinking on this today:

 The hour has come for you to wake up from  your slumber. Life is moving whether you are ready for it or not. The world is turning. Be conscious of the events happening around you. A passive existence is no longer satisfactory.

Romans 13:11-14

And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. 12 The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13 Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. 14 Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.


More importantly for me is to clothe myself with the Lord Jesus Christ, and to not think about how to gratify the desires of my flesh. Its that serious.

Monday, October 24, 2011

You are MORE than Just Breast, Hips, and Thighs


Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.


Saw this trailer for the documentary "Miss Representation" and I thought about my sister Farita. Take heed to what you allow the media to feed you.




Re Blogged from: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"These incredible posters were created by the student organization at Ohio University called Students Teaching Against Racism (STARS).  Amazingly, these posters became popular over Tumblr on their president’s blog site (here). Their mission is “to educate and facilitate discussion about racism and to promote racial harmony and to create a safe, non-threatening environment to allow participants to feel comfortable to express their feelings.”

Here’s a statement about the posters from the organization:
Any questions about the posters can be sent to OHIOUSTARS@gmail.com. We are so proud of all the support but it’s overwhelming; we have less than 10 members in our group. We ask that you do not personally email any of the exec’s or message their personal Tumblrs. Thank you guys so much for the love! The purpose was to educate and create dialogue and it did. We have a meeting with a lawyer on Monday so we can protect our posters, and the posters will be all over Ohio University’s campus this week! Again, thanks for the support and have a happy Halloween!
— Executive Board of STARS from Ohio University

These posters act as a public service announcement for colored communities. It’s about respect, human dignity, and the acceptance of other cultures (these posters simply ask people to think before they choose their Halloween costume). Although some Halloween costumes aren’t as racist as the blackface minstrel shows back in the day, they harken to similar prejudices. What these costumes have in common is that they make caricatures out of cultures, and that is simply not okay. "

The Kingdom of God is not in self, but service!: Chosen for Purpose, Assigned for Destiny

The Kingdom of God is not in self, but service!: Chosen for Purpose, Assigned for Destiny: "And the LORD said unto Samuel, How long wilt thou mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? fill thine horn wi...

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Loc it up!

Ok, I have a secret obsession with loc'd hair. I'm absolutely enamored with it! Notwithstanding this affinity, I don't actually want to loc my hair, for fear that once I do I won't be able to take them out. I mean the name does say it all, once you loc up you throw away the key. The only thing that vaguely resembles one are scissors and a pair of clippers. And I'm just not feeling that right now. Though I do fantasize about fading it up too. I think I'll do that once I reach my waist length hair goal. Anyway, I digress, in the meantime I'll assuage my longing to channel my inner Bob by styling my twists in styles typically marketed for loc'd hair. Today was my first official effort.  The style isn't the best but I tried. The view is better in the front, as opposed to the sides. I wish I had a scarf to cover the back, lol. I'm not doing anything else to it for 3 days, until I moisturize and restyle. I need a break from this hair!! 

Pics are posted below:


Monday, October 3, 2011

WEbsites to include in the fast

Facebook

BCK.com

Necole Bitchie

TheYBF

40 days..Monday October 3, 2011 is day one.

Will be replaced by biblical and academic studies.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Late Nite Calls

Its 12am. While procrastination slowly threatens to destroy my nights sleep, and I put off preparing my presentation, I break into tears. Sobbing away over the memories of what was and what could have been. Reliving the greatest, and most heartbreaking moments of my life. My emotion consumes me, and I feel out of control. There is no one to call who will understand. My bestfriend is on her way to dreamland, and I'm stuck out here all alone. My only respite, and source of comfort is and has always been God. He is my saving grace. I call on Him, crying, prostrate on my beige carpet praying for relief from the pain that has been nurtured and growing inside me for some time now. Slowly but definitely surely, He answers, comes to the rescue in my distress, and waves of love and peace wash over my soul. My 911 is psalms 46 "God is our refuge and strength. An ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way. My world was collapsing. And the mountains fall into the heart of the sea." Into the sea and on top of me. No matter what others say, I am well aware of who to call on when my soul bursts with joy, and threatens to crumble from sadness. He is awesome.

Realigning.
Akosua. Denell.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Licking Wounds

Someone Like You..I really should stop listening to that song. But I can't.

Is heartbreak addicting, like the desire to stare at the wounds you've reaped for being too impetuous? Do you feel a sense of satisfaction knowing you've taking a risk that leaves you bleeding; sobbing silently in a corner as you reflect on what a shamble it all was, and what it could have been? Clearly it wasn't because you wouldn't feel like you'd just been hit by a tractor-trailer. As if for an instant, oxygen was zapped from your cells and you strained--gasped-for air like a catfish devoid of water. Shriveling to death as a drying blow fish. Yet I can't stop listening to this song.
The passive act of listening to these pain laced lyrics is in some ways cathartic. The sharing of the human experience is reassuring that I'm not alone in a hand basket filled with idiots, who weren't smart enough to look before we leaped, only to forget that we would hit the hard earth eventually. Jumping off the precipice only to land in a valley of jagged mountain, crumbling beneath into an abyss of nothingness. Ignorantly believing that we'd fall into the arms of our love. I didn't fall into His arms. But when I reached for Him, He gathered me, dressed my wounds, and cradled me in His bosom.

Sobbing.
AKos

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Rant: A Theoretical Computer Shortage.

I am a one of a few college students that is without a personal computer. Mine died last year during my time in Ghana. In America's technological, and information driven society, where computers now fit into your pocket, its a wonder that I don't feel left behind. I choose not to own a smartphone, the computer on the other hand is a serious expense that I'm not ready to undertake. Being that I don't own one of those high tech, lighting fast machines, I depend on my university's library to provide my entrance to the information superhighway. For me the library is not a convenience its a necessity. So, imagine my angst when I arrive at the library, during the mid-afternoon (obviously peak time), only to find that almost every machine is in use. Now, I completely understand that the library is a resource to be utilized by every student, even members of the general public, and not myself alone. However it gives me great displeasure to find, on my earnest search of each successive floor, people with not one but two computers at their disposal. Seriously?! As I'm walking to and fro down the isles of this labyrinth of books, I see a spectacle that makes me want to scream.
There's a guy using his laptop, while simultaneously signed on to a desktop! When I clearly saw that he was only using his laptop, I politely asked if he were using the desktop as well, which he clearly was NOT. What was his response you ask? "Yes I'm using both" and he arbitrarily clicked the mouse to show me his activity. Why lie my friend? It is obvious that you are abusing your rights the to the university's computers, when there are myriad students, myself included, in dire need ( I exaggerate) of one. I hid my disdain for this patron's dishonest remarks and quietly strolled away.

Things I'll never understand.
Akos

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Achieving your Goals

What is the difference between wanting something and actually realizing it? Action. If you are hungry do you just sit and wait for food to fall out of the sky? No! You get up and fix yourself something to eat. If you don't have any food you go out and by it. Or if someone offers you food, you take it. My mother says if you don't eat what's in front of  you, then you're not really truly hungry. It's a principle that can be applied to life in general. When you really want something, no matter what your means are you will take action to obtain it. I think that really applies to your relationship with God. Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with ALL you heart. James 4:8 goes on to say "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you..." Could it be any plainer? I'm speaking to myself. Academically, if you want to make the dean's list you can't fool around the entire semester, ignoring all the readings for your course, and then expect to make A's, let alone pass your class. The only time you can not do something and still expect to obtain results is starving yourself to lose weight. And even that abhorable task requires the willpower to ignore your hunger pains. We can't--I can't be lazy. What is it that you really desire in life? The reality is that there are no shortcuts. You have to work for your goals. Pure and simple. Not that there won't be opposition even in your efforts, there most definitely will be. But you still have to try. At least with God you have the assurance of His infallible words that if you do make an effort to trust Him, He will "make the dark places light and the rough places smooth" Isaiah 42:16. What have you got to lose?

Evolving.
Akosua. Asharae. Denell.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Heart For Humans

God's blessed me with a serious serving of Empathy. Maybe it developed from my compounded minority status: African, Female, American. I'm quite sure it has a lot to do with my being on the receiving end of teasing, and less than honorable treatment from other human beings. No need to pity, though compassion would be nice. The Western myth of perfection has constantly eluded me. Until my desire gave way to an understanding that there is perfection in our individuality. Our differences are what make us beautiful. So when I look at people, especially the rejects (myself included), those that do not fit the ubiquitous paradigm of beauty, I smile and hope that they know how special they are. Corny right? I know. But for years I felt that I was weird, not very cute, clumsy and down right awkward. I struggled with my self image. Not feeling skinny enough, having acne, you name it,  I felt it. And now when I look back at the pictures I used to despise I realize how perfect  I was and am, and glory in my "imperfections". I'm not so critical of the superficial qualities. I love that my ears stand out from my head, my overbite, and my sometimes alligator like skin (thanks dad :). They don't make me who I am but they are distinguishing features. I guess what I want to say is that I desire to help others feel the way I do. I know I have yet to fully attain. And everyday I'm bombarded with images that tell me who I am and what I look like aren't good enough. That I'll never find a man if I don't shave my legs or armpits. I beg to differ. I digress.
While I'm aerating the embers that burn within I want to learn to serve others in their apprehension of Love.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

More Than Words

When I think about the relationship that I want with God, the first thing I don't want is a fabrication of emotionally stirring rhetoric. You know the feelings when you get when you listen to a Gospel song that's meant to uplift your downtrodden spirits? When your feeling dejected and despondent turn to God for your rescue! Don't get me wrong. Jesus came to SAVE us. And save us he did. But I'm tired of hearing the same old tired refrain. Tired of feeling empty and only enjoying sporadic bouts of happiness. I want to be full, and stay that way. Depend on God when I'm on TOP of my mountains, not just turn to him to rescue me from the valleys. Don't you agree that it should be more than that? And I know that it can be. The world we live in today is already full of things meant to "fill" us, shoes, name-brand clothing, the latest handbags, big houses, expensive hand bags, jewelry, makeup. That's what its all for: to make us temporarily satisfied. In my 22 years I've been fortunate enough to realize that those things are pointless. They will never be enough. I want peace and Joy and Love that surpass human understanding. Those things are worth more than gold to me, and I know that they are attained only through the knowledge of God. That is what's on my radar.

Balance. Poise. Exhale.
Denell.Akosua.Asharae.Ohema.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Perfecting your Downward Dog

Life is a balancing act. The one thing I need in my life is balance. Whenever I begin to study intensely, I begin to slack on working out, or I lose depth in my spiritual walk. Poise, focus, I need to balance this thing out. I want to be well rounded. Who doesn't?  So what do I do? I have a planner, into which every morsel of my life is entered--well almost all of it. Where do I find the time to fit it all in? The third week of the semester is upon us and I want to catch myself before I fall. There's no one else here to do it. As my reflexes instinctively extend my leg I realize that first I need to ask God for help. Center myself and look within. The answers aren't in this world. I've searched too long only to find it wanting. I want to excel academically without becoming a hermit or social leper. I seek to be fit, without neglecting my studies by caring more for the outside than feeding myself mentally. Isn't this the challenge of life? Our society is one of excess measured on uneven scales. The weight's are off. How do you find moderation without starving yourself of fullness?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Clicks Heels 5 Times


Inhales deeply and releases the weight from my shoulders.

I’m officially homesick
.
I haven’t dealt with this ailment since last November, but I got over it and moved on because I knew I had many months to go. Now its the end of April and I’m seriously contemplating extending my stay until August 2. What do I do? 
Listening to MercyMe’s Finally home as I let the waves of Nostalgia wash over me.  My memories of home are like  childhood experiences that I can’t recapture, but you always long to get back. I miss my car and driving with no destination in mind,  with all four windows down and the music blasting. I miss my nieces kisses and warm exclamations. Smooth roads and street lights.  I miss hotdogs and cookout iced tea. I miss my neighborhood and the aroma of freshly cut grass on Saturday mornings. Cartoons and my best friends. I miss my mommy and daddy and our extremely loud family. Rambunctious two year olds and the hup-in. Sticky hands and sweet kisses.
I miss feeling grounded.
But this too shall pass. I'll be okay. 

There's still so much more for me to learn and experience and I don't want to leave Ghana remembering everything that I wish I'd done.
Still Breathing 
AJ

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Touch Your Heart

Bless me to touch your heart,
and I'll let you touch mine.
Let me wrap my arms around your mind
before our bodies intertwine.

So much emphasis is put on the physical senses.
What we can see feel and touch, especially when it comes to the "laws of attraction" or what our respective societies tell us is beautiful and desirable in a partner.
Everything is so superficial--with songs out like "I invented sex" and "Put you to bed" It shifts the emphasis of relationships to what is physically pleasurable instead of what is long lasting and eternal. Call me old fashioned but the most attractive, well one of the most attractive, things in a man is the quality of him wanting to know my mental and emotional, and spiritual ins and outs before he even dares to consider my body.
So that our connection will be deeper than the ignition of that divine spark of pleasure.

Food for your mental,
AJ

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

So much to be grateful For :)


God is so awesome. 

Everyday I become more aware of how much he loves me. So many good things are happening in my life right now, and have been since I came to college.  I went through some pretty traumatic experiences as a child, and as a got older I went through the “why me’s?” a lot actually. Sometimes I feel like God is giving me a break—like he’s saying “I’m sorry that your life sucked for the first 18 years. Now this is your time, go and be happy. I love you” I’ve been blessed to see his love manifest in so many ways during the past 4 years of my life.  I am so grateful for the little things that I experience that are his I love you’s. Like the night market lady dashing me an extra piece of chicken. Or having three different friends prepare meals on the same day and invite me to join in. Or showing me that love in the human form can be beautiful and trustworthy.

He loves me, he loves you, he loves us all. :)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Who Will Cry for the Little Girl?

Who will cry for the destitute among us?
I am learning now, how to cry for me-- and while this process will no doubt take a lifetime,  my soul won’t be consumed with tears. At least not of my own accord. The mountain I’m climbing starts and ends with me looking in the mirror and seeing myself, and coming away with the feeling that my scars don’t make me any less beautiful.  It’s so easy to cry for others. To acknowledge their pain, and even pretend that you can aid them in recovery. Crying for your self is the hardest thing of all because you, first, have to admit that something is awry. I wasn’t taught how to do that. Thankfully I have been surrounded by others that tend to shine their lights on me, until I was forced to surrender to reality. So now as I’m getting myself together, and learning how to live and love me, I will humbly surrender to love. But it’s not enough for me to live in my bliss filled bubble, while the ones around me suffer in silence. I thank God that I have the hands and feet to do work. Alls I gotta do now is dig in with both hands and all feet. I want to give people that hugs were promised but the embrace was never fulfilled.  The love that was made manifest but that was never “real”. I’ll cry for and with them, because no one ever cried for me.