Me a spinster? Not Likely!

Last Sunday evening I decided to take a walk with my dad. I was bored, and wanted to get out of the house, so I figured it was the best time to just hang out with Him. It took me around 45 minutes to find spot, cop a squat and sit with him. I sat at an abandoned driveway and leaned against a steel fence. As the cars drove by I was telling him what I desired out  of my life. I want to wake up everyday and talk to Him first thing in the morning. I want to abide in his love always, and be aware of his presence in my  life. He is my best friend. The one who gets me and values me. He even knows how many strands of hair are on my head. How amazing is that. Last night I was reading and 1 Cor 7:32 - 34 laid it out perfectly for me. Both the unmarried woman and the virgin care for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit; but she who is married cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. How true is that? As a single woman my life's goal is to be satisfied with the Lord. Whether or not I get married isn't my concern, because its the man's job to find me--if I am to be found. Quite a few of my closest friends have either gotten married or will be married before this year is over. The tears I shed at their nuptials won't be out of pity for myself because I'm single. They will be tears of joy over the love they are displaying--God's kind of love. I just want to be complete in Him alone.

Akos

No Compliants Here!

I really have nothing to complain about. Earlier today I saw the status update of an acquaintance and it really made me appreciate what I have. More than that, it made me appreciate the knowledge of God's blessings. I know the things that he has provided for me. 3 John 1:2 "beloved I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers". I know that its his will for me to prosper. There is no question about that. Its so sad, and ironic that religion has taught us that God wants us to be poor. That is not the case. Every single one of my needs have already been supplied. Even if my car has materialized, I know that it's mine.  I AM blessed.

When I Say He's My BFF I mean it!

This has been such an amazing summer for me. Because I've been all alone. Sounds like a contradiction doesn't it. Well I've been alone but certainly not lonely. Most of my friends live halfway across the world. One is in France, another in China, and a few more in California. But the distance has been a blessing in disguise. This year I've realized that I can depend on no one like my Father in heaven. Psa 46:1 God is our refuge and strength,  an ever-present help in trouble. Not even my earthly father, whom I love more than any other man on this planet doesn't treat me like he does. Psa 27:10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. He has promised never to be angry with me, and never to rebuke me. It's the fairly tale I've always hoped for. This summer I started a new job, and it has been stressful. And though I know that the stress has been due more to circumstance than providence, they have been to his glory. On the days when I came home, stressed out and at my breaking point, I cried in his bosom. I leaned on Psa 3:3-4 But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain. I read those over and over again. Praying in tongues certainly helped. Everyday, his word feeds me. I have to spend time in it to get the strength to endure another day at my job. I work with kids and trust me they will try your patience to the max! But Isaiah 26:3 says he will keep you in perfect peace who's mind is stayed on him because he trusteth in Him. Its so serious. I love him, and am doing my best to abide in his love. I don't want my heart to stray away from the truth. He is my bread. My life. Knowing his love will turn anyone into a fanatic. He is amazing!

Celebration of Self-Love

I Got a New Car!

While listening to my pastor Andrew Wommack, I had a revelation about faith. My Dad (God), has blessed me with a car. I had been without a car for almost two years. Three weeks before I went to Ghana I was in a car accident, and my car was totaled. Because I was in Africa for a year, I didn't care about not having a car--its not like I could use it there anyway. Fast forward a year later, and I'm living right across from campus, and Gwyn-the-schwinn was my transportation. I didn't start feeling the itch for a car until around April of this year. I decided to believe God for a car. Deuteronomy 28:12 says you shall lend unto many nations and shall not borrow.  Because of this truth I decided that financing wasn't an option for me. Now back to today, Andrew reminded me of a powerful scripture. Hebrews 11:6 "without faith its impossible to please God. Why is that? My dad is a loving god. And then it hit me. Faith is the arm that we use to reach into the spiritual realm to appropriate what he has already done for us, and cause it to manifest in the physical world. My dad responds to faith and not need. 3 John 1:2 says "beloved I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers". The way his will is fulfilled is when we believe what he has already done and reach out by faith. So, he is pleased when we take what he has already given us and believe it so it can finally manifest into the physical. He is pleased when our needs are met. No father is ever pleased when his children are suffering and starving. It was explained to me in this way. Our dad has prepared for us a great feast on his banquet table. Everything we need is already laid out for us. All we have to do is reach out and take it. This is why Philippians 4:4 "rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: rejoice!" is possible. Because he has given us everything we need, and we don't have to beg and plead and be desperate. Thank you Jesus!

She Tried to Curse Me Again..

While ridding to work this morning, in an exuberant decree I shared my excitement about going to bible college, with the driver, (who will remain anonymous). I was genuinely happy about the direction that God is guiding my life, and the fact that I’m actually going to follow it. And instead of returning and equal level of excitement she proceeded to tell me that I was wrong. Wrong?! For desiring to go to bible college? No. For not wanting to go to her church anymore. That wasn’t the only reason. She felt that I should have apologized to her pastor for leaving the church. Does this sound absurd yet? The fact is, that we’ve had this conversation before, three years ago. There were a lot of tears, and I allowed it to tear my relationship with my Father apart. I was just a babe then. Now I am an adult, and as I explained to her that I now have the right, and responsibility to choose whom I let feed me. Unfortunately my pastor of choice runs a para-church ministry. So I have to watch his sermons online. The bible college that I will be attending in the spring of next is his brain child. Lets get to the cursing. The woman I was ridding with this morning told me that I was not going to prosper until I apologized and made things right with my former pastor. I should mention that I did this three years ago when she asked me to do the exact same thing. This morning I told her that I would not me doing that again. I wasn’t trying to be stubborn but I refuse to be in bondage. I now know enough about God’s love for me. I am not cursed because of the church I want to go to. The truth of the matter is that ever since I heard the true gospel, the too good to be true news, I refuse to accept anything less.

I Was Thinking About Sex the Other day…

 

..And I came to a conclusion. Sort of a revelation. While listening to my pastor Andrew Wommack he said something that really made me think. I knew it already but I felt like the Holy Spirit made it real to me. He was talking about Adam and Eve and the fact that they were naked, butt naked and were not ashamed. Stunning revelation huh. That’s not all. They communed with God, walked and talked with Him during the cool of the day—every day, and all the while they were naked. How many of us, I’m not married, but if we were butt naked and in the presence of our mates would be able to focus on God, and commune with Him? What I realized that even though God designed us and made us sexual beings, that in his presence even our most basic drives are suppressed. But not just suppressed, its just that He is so awesome any and everything else just pales in comparison. I knew this already Psalms 119: 11, Says “thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee”. When I'm delighting myself in Him and reading his word consistently, giving in to porn never even crosses my mind. I couldn’t even make myself visit one of those sights. Its when I’m not allowing Him to fill my voids when things go wrong. Sex has its place, and God certainly made it enjoyable for married people. But what gets me is how Satan has deceived us into thinking that its all there is to life. Our media is saturated by it. We’re socialized into thinking we can’t live without it, that we can’t control ourselves. Its all about SEX! But really when we are in the presence of our creator, he is so all consuming that nothing else is important. We need to allow him to fill our voids.

Like watching Porn all over again

 

One night a few days ago I was up late flipping through the channels, and I stumbled across the second episode of Love and Hip Hop – Atlanta. I have a general contempt for trashy reality tv shows, but this time I seemed to be caught off guard and I was instantly enthralled in the drama. All of the cursing and strife are nothing short of evil and I shouldn’t have watched it. I saw almost the entire episode but finally pulled myself away during the last few moments. But I wanted more. So I headed to Vh1.com for extra footage. I became a member of #teamMIMI and instantly hated joseline. I knew I had no business watching a show like this. As some one who’s been deceived into watching porn one too many times I know the steps necessary to walk down that slippery slope—watching shows filled with sexual innuendos is one of them. But I kept watching. I was able to pull myself away for a few days. While flipping through the channels I passed 42  up, and kept it moving. Then this afternoon I decided to cruse on by the website for episode three to see about joseline’s impending pregnancy. I watched this young woman cry and be abused by a man that treated her like one of his hoes. I was appalled. During one of her commentaries she talked about her background. How she ran away at 12 and began doing what she had to to make money. And I realized how much she was like myself. She is one of the girls that I want to dedicate my life helping. by sharing with them the love that God has for them. My desire to watch the show was vanquished. It reminded me of the time I watched a video of the behind the scenes life of a porn star. How they are beaten and raped and abused. That video was like an antidote for my porn addiction. I can’t watch/participate in another woman’s destruction.