Faring Better on My Own

I'm an only child. I am the youngest of 5. Twenty-four years separate myself and my eldest sister. It wasn't until my first cousins moved down from Virginia and New York that I experience the regular company of kids my age. But for most of my childhood I was alone. I had friends at school, and i could play with my cousins on the weekends, but I grew accustomed to the solitary life. Fifteen years later and not much has changed; except that its me +1. You can see Him physically, hopefully you can see Him in me, but he's here. When I'm alone, my heart reaches out to Him. I look to him to satisfy my longing for human company--and he does. I'm enjoying the process of getting to know Him. Satan knows this too because for the past 3 - 4 weeks I've been bombarded with invitations for male company, which previously would have been a feat of the greatest order. And I began to let someone in. Just as friends but you know how that goes. I told my dad that wanted to share all my joy and sorrow and excitement with him. I wanted Him to be the outlet for my emotional vicissitudes. But I noticed that during the brief time he and I were relating that things changed between myself and my father. Now that it's over Dad and I are back on the up and up. I want to give him everything in me.

Anxious and Troubled

 

I was feeling a little down today. Feeling like I ‘d missed the mark. A few posts ago, I stated how amazing this summer had been for my spiritual growth. God has really become my best friend. I was delighting myself in Him more than ever. But then I allowed myself to become distracted by none other than a man. I know that his word brings about effortless change, and right now I need to renew my mind on how amazingly important being single is. 1 Corinthians 7: 32 – 34  “ but he who has married cares for the things of the world, how he may  please his wife and is distracted” Married people are distracted! wow! “ Both the unmarried woman and the virgin care for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit; but she how has married cares for the things of the the world, how she may please her husband” I have one of those amazing reference bibles that puts superscripts above certain words, and it referenced Mary and Martha. In Luke 10:40 Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet so she’d have the best place to hear him speak, and while Martha was running around and serving others, not that serving is bad, but in comparison to the opportunity to here the very words spoken by the living God, there is no comparison. In this instance Mary was living out Philippians 3:8, she counted everything as loss but for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ. Martha can be compared to the married woman from 1 Corinthians who is called to serve her husband, but Mary being without a mate could give all her attention to the Lord.  I want to be like Mary.

Me a spinster? Not Likely!

Last Sunday evening I decided to take a walk with my dad. I was bored, and wanted to get out of the house, so I figured it was the best time to just hang out with Him. It took me around 45 minutes to find spot, cop a squat and sit with him. I sat at an abandoned driveway and leaned against a steel fence. As the cars drove by I was telling him what I desired out  of my life. I want to wake up everyday and talk to Him first thing in the morning. I want to abide in his love always, and be aware of his presence in my  life. He is my best friend. The one who gets me and values me. He even knows how many strands of hair are on my head. How amazing is that. Last night I was reading and 1 Cor 7:32 - 34 laid it out perfectly for me. Both the unmarried woman and the virgin care for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit; but she who is married cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. How true is that? As a single woman my life's goal is to be satisfied with the Lord. Whether or not I get married isn't my concern, because its the man's job to find me--if I am to be found. Quite a few of my closest friends have either gotten married or will be married before this year is over. The tears I shed at their nuptials won't be out of pity for myself because I'm single. They will be tears of joy over the love they are displaying--God's kind of love. I just want to be complete in Him alone.

Akos

No Compliants Here!

I really have nothing to complain about. Earlier today I saw the status update of an acquaintance and it really made me appreciate what I have. More than that, it made me appreciate the knowledge of God's blessings. I know the things that he has provided for me. 3 John 1:2 "beloved I wish above all things that you would prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers". I know that its his will for me to prosper. There is no question about that. Its so sad, and ironic that religion has taught us that God wants us to be poor. That is not the case. Every single one of my needs have already been supplied. Even if my car has materialized, I know that it's mine.  I AM blessed.

When I Say He's My BFF I mean it!

This has been such an amazing summer for me. Because I've been all alone. Sounds like a contradiction doesn't it. Well I've been alone but certainly not lonely. Most of my friends live halfway across the world. One is in France, another in China, and a few more in California. But the distance has been a blessing in disguise. This year I've realized that I can depend on no one like my Father in heaven. Psa 46:1 God is our refuge and strength,  an ever-present help in trouble. Not even my earthly father, whom I love more than any other man on this planet doesn't treat me like he does. Psa 27:10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. He has promised never to be angry with me, and never to rebuke me. It's the fairly tale I've always hoped for. This summer I started a new job, and it has been stressful. And though I know that the stress has been due more to circumstance than providence, they have been to his glory. On the days when I came home, stressed out and at my breaking point, I cried in his bosom. I leaned on Psa 3:3-4 But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain. I read those over and over again. Praying in tongues certainly helped. Everyday, his word feeds me. I have to spend time in it to get the strength to endure another day at my job. I work with kids and trust me they will try your patience to the max! But Isaiah 26:3 says he will keep you in perfect peace who's mind is stayed on him because he trusteth in Him. Its so serious. I love him, and am doing my best to abide in his love. I don't want my heart to stray away from the truth. He is my bread. My life. Knowing his love will turn anyone into a fanatic. He is amazing!

Celebration of Self-Love