Rainbows and Sunshine

With the time winding down 'til I'm outta here, I've found myself paying more attention to the little things.
Attempting to savor the feeling of breathing in "America".
I find myself looking at people differently, not simply allowing them to pass me by, but attempting to listen to their whispers of stories untold.
On an average day you encounter, what, over a hundred people? And I've noticed that the faces of many of these people read quite grimly. Who is it that said the eyes are the window to the soul?
This adage has become more real to me with the passage of time. And if it's true, and the expression that you wear on your face shows what kind of spirit you have, then I want a guy with a smile so wide, his eyes turn to slits when he sees fit to bless me with his laughter. And I'll have no choice but to rise when he shines. I don't know why anyone would ever want to walk around with an angry disposition. And then I think that no one would choose hold such a ornery demeanor, and instead its just reflection of the turmoil inside their soul. After all we are but spirits cloaked in human flesh.

"and we will live happily ever after, float to the rafters
caught up the in rapture,
where we were captured by each other's hearts
see we go together like rainbows and sunshine
this Son's mine and together we gon' shine"

lol at my befuddled attempt at rhythm,

*Sigh* of relief,
AJ

Let's Be Friends With an Added Benefit

Friendship

By far one of God's greatest inventions.
The beauty of friendship is that, unlike family, you get to choose these individuals to be apart of your life.
It is your decision to allow them to share in your joy, hopes, and sorrow.
As I grow older I am beginning to understand and appreciate the true friends that I have in my life.
More recently I have begun to encounter friendships with those of the male persuasion.
And I'll admit they hit me like a ton of bricks.
Like a lighting they burst into my life without the slightest crack of thunder.
Friendships of this particular variety must be handled delicately, because they could combust without a moments notice.
With all of the power they pack, its no wonder that they can be some of the most rewarding experiences.
When you find a man that is worthy to be called "friend", its an occasion to be celebrated.
One thing I've learned is that close intimate friendships with members of the opposite sex are needed. They teach you things that you wouldn't have otherwise learned from girlfriends, or  books, or magazines. It takes a special kind of man to be a true friend, and to not take advantage of the delicacy that can sometimes be found in women. To not make a move on her when its just the two of you, alone, sharing emotional intimacy.

But what happens when you get to a point where you get so close that you feel the only logical next step is to enter into a completely committed relationship, and you find that one person isn't ready for that?
Do you write them off as last weeks hot topic, and get on to the next one? If that happens I would question whether you were truly friends to begin with.

It's even more special when you realize that he is not going to be around just for the moment, you know while he's single, but as soon as another women comes along he's gone just as quickly as he'd come.
I have encountered these guys all too often. These are the one's that aren't content with just your friendship.
They want more, without ever really giving your friendship time to blossom into what could potentially be a great relationship. To those men I say that if you can't handle my friendship why would I want to be in a committed relationship with you? Isn't the title called "girlFriend"?


And then I snap back into reality and remember a time when I was that girl that wasn't content with just being friends. I always wanted to rush into a relationship. She and I were one of a kind until I recently took the time to get my priorities straight. Or could it be that I know, no guy wants to be in a relationship with someone who's going away for 9 months. I have been able to understand that some friendships should remain just that. To take them further could be detrimental to both parties, and might extinguish the fire that burns between the two souls. Either way I'm settled on appreciating the benefits of a truly platonic friendship.

Broken Lover, Yes I Made You....

I'm standing in a whirlwind filled with the debris of our failed relationship
As they swarm about I am in a space where I feel no control
I watched you rip it apart board by board
and wrench my soul from yours in an instant.
you shreded your peices of our foundation, unaware that they are intertwined with mine
so while you walk away with your bag of burdens
I am left wondering
and you are found wanting
Broken lover you made me believe that you would be the one to heal me, and you did
You gave me the power to take control and to not allow life to just happen to me.
When its all said and done I will take joy in that I was able to love myself

Love this song

The Countdown has begun: 15 days and counting

15 days 'till I'm out of these United States, and I'm so glad about it.
I feel like I'm leaving with some loose ends, and unfinished life chapters but I'm completely fine with that.
I need some time to think and breathe.
I need time to figure out what I'm going to be doing with my life.
I have friends that I wish I could take with me, and others I wish to separate myself from completely

"Me and this guy go together like bricks and candy, or maybe sugar and glass"

One thing is certain, this has been one of the best summers of my life.
I didn't visit any exotic lands, or have any fantastic internships but I have grown.
And that's all I could ask for. I've been forced to look at myself in the mirror, and make some tough decisions. It's difficult to look at the scars that life has bestowed upon you. I realized that I would stand in front with my head solemnly bowed, afraid of what I would see.

James 1:23-24 says

23 Those who listen to the word but do not do what it says are like people who look at their faces in a mirror 24 and, after looking at themselves, go away and immediately forget what they look like.


But that's behind me know. I'm not saying I've arrived but I've certainly left.

Here's to daily growth,
AJ