I Keep Making the Same Mistakes

This year, my living arrangement with 3, former, strangers has brought me new insights about my Walk. The most salient of them deal with legalism. Ask any one of my roommates and they can definitely tell you that I've make tons of mistakes this year, from consuming unmarked foods, to removing their clothes from the washer. I've done my part to exact a measure of penance for these ignominious acts, and if I could take them back I certainly would..I digress. Now 8 months in, I am making more efforts than ever before to watch my steps, and make sure that I don't offend in the same manner, because not every one is given the same measure of grace. That said, it only takes a short amount of time for one of them to find fault in my actions. I must state unequivocally that it is not my desire in anyway to adjudicate in regards to these matters. My point is to say that no matter how long it might take, I am going to mess up. There will be something I that do that is perceived in a negative way, no matter how hard I try to make sure that I do everything perfectly. It just won't happen, because I'm a human being, and I don't always wash my dishes as soon as I'm finished with  them. I don't immediately take out the trash when the bag is full. I might forget to clean up my side of the counters. Mistakes will come. Extrapolating this argument to my walk with Christ, and you can see where I'm going with this. All I can say is thank God for Jesus. That God sees Jesus' righteousness when He looks at me, and not my faults. If I can't please three twenty-something year old women, how much greater will my faults be when compared to a Holy God? There is no way that I'd get it right all of the time. That's why I have to put my faith in Jesus' ability to shine, and be the best thing in me. We are saved by the Grace of God, through our faith in Christ. Let's not forget on whom we rely for salvation.

Akos.

Media Fast - Day One

Today marks the official first day of my media fast. I  spend waaaayyy too much time on the internet, squandering away precious time that could be used for important things like reading my bible, and working on my ten-page historiography paper. So, in an effort to get my creative juices flowing, and get the gears turning I've decided to blog about my experiences during this fast. Too often I feel like fiend addicted to Facebook and Youtube videos. It has to stop. There are so many things about my life that have to change, and I have to start somewhere so why not here? First item on the list is to deactivate the Facebook page. It wasn't enough for me to just log off. I need to know that I can't be contacted, its a mind thing. Next is blocking off all internet blogging sites, TheYBF, Necole Bitchie, and BCK. Hair blogs are allowed because I don't use them for my procrastinating devices. I have failed numerous times at this task. Let's see if we can't get it right this time.

Smiles,
Akos.

I will be tuning in and relaying my thoughts as they come.

Let The Dead Bury Their Own Dead

This post has been festering in my psyche for a while now. I guess I might as well speak on it, so I can free up some space.

When its over, do you dig a hole six feet deep and bury it? Sprinkle some dust and give last rights?
Lay a bouquet of slightly browned flowers, and pluck their withered petals and let them dance into the dirt.
What are you supposed to do when you finally realize that its over? No more phone calls or "I'm just thinking about you texts", no more anything. This relationship is just as dead as your future with them--bleek and lonely reaking of unsastifaction. Is it possible to contravene the desire to look back, salt pillars and destruction await if you do. The ties that bind souls aren't contravened easily, much prayer and fasting are needed to rend the thoughts and spine tinglings that accompany your memory. I've mourned your loss far too long. It's to easy to hold on the the familar, anxiety subsumes me when I ponder walking forward in to the singular unknown. I have known, I always knew that you weren't the One. Faith in God couldn't unite us, more time was waisted. The temptation to put U and I together, endures, but fruitless are the realities. I'm done. It was hard to say, and even harder to realize. Our oneness was futile, never bringing forth life, instead death was immenent. It's over. I have said my prayer. Now be gone from me, I want no more to do with you.
I thought I loved you, and knew you luved me.

Oh How Wondrous

..is the name of the Lord!


The above song, by one of my all time favorite gospel artists, has been in my mind all week,  and its quickly becoming one of my favorites. It entered my consciousness like a familiar friend. When I had enough words to complete a Google search that was it. This week has been a trying one, but not of random circumstance. Time and time again the familiar mantra about making my bed, and lying in it, or living in the hole I've dug for myself continually reoccur in my mind. But though my bad decisions I come running back to that old stalwart, my faith in God. He rescues me from the monsters of my own creation, and again I feel unworthy, thank God for Jesus.
A favorite preacher of mine Andrew Wommack coined a phrase that gets me through my lonely days and pathetic nights: "God loves me not because I am lovely, but because He is Love"
When my wretchedness threatens to consume me I realize that its not about me anyway; but instead Christ and His sacrifice and how because of Him I find worth in God's sight. That's why I can't help but say " Oh how wondrous is the name of the Lord!" It couldn't be more true.

Taken to New World

The historian in me loves this! The diaspora is visible throughout the new world. I am excited to visit/live in Mexico and see the remnants of Africans.

Just When I Start to Think its All About Me

Christ Died for us all!
   

This Man is an Example to To Men..Married or Single!