Don't Wait Til Midnight.....

Its just after midnight. My academic career for the year of 2011 will officially be over in 7 days. I am tired and weary. This has been a trying semester. My faith and beliefs were consolidated, I still have questions but one thing's for sure--when I was in need, there was only One that delivered me. I don't have a new years resolution, only to be discarded like a diet never kept. I do however know what I want. It's what I've always wanted: To be happy. To have Joy and peace. To love myself and to trust God.
I have fallen, but what else is new? Each time I do, I know who to turn to. I don't, however, want to continue to be hindered by the same thorn. I current goal is to surmount this plateau in my faith. I want to know God in a more intimate way. Something that I've always heard others speak of, but was never able to experience for myself.

I am given privy to how messed up I really am. It would be foolish to rely on my own strength. Yet, I have done this for my entire life. As I stand back up, and dust myself off I am cognizant of my stumbling block. Something I had never known before, or just failed to acknowledge. Me. Its me and has always been  me.  Granted life dealt me malevolent cards as a child, and I was tainted, but in my adult years its all me. I have to conquer these demons, and I shall do just that. With God impossible is nothing. I will follow you forward.
Each year in churches I hear the same refrain, from the same people that don't seem to be changing. They declare that the next  year will be their year to do better to change. The truth is changing is hard. Difficult but not impossible. Its so easy to continue to do the same things over and over again even if they are harming you, because of familiarity and repetition. When you are used to doing the same thing in a certain way over and over again, it becomes second nature. Its like the password to your email address. Do you even think about it when your typing it in? NO. Your fingers have been so trained to enter those exact keystrokes, that even if you changed the password you would reflexively type the old one in. You'd have to retrain your brain and fingers to enter the new password on command. And eventually you would get it, but it'd have to be a conscious effort. The same goes for other areas of our lives that we expect to alter. I have to retrain myself not to procrastinate because I am tired. If I were in my room, that bed would be calling me. lol

Here's to change
Peace.