What my dreams are made of ...

My first thoughts waking up..thank you Jesus for waking me up..second thought..writing????
Hmm interesting hehe..
So this is what I dreamt last night..I was mainly about my father. You see there are some unresolved issues in our relationship and the tension has been escalating for quite a while now. Don't get me wrong now, I love my daddy; he's been a great provider. I have never wanted fore any reasonable thing that he has denied me. By reasonable I mean clothing, a home, and food, not to mention the braces that have straightened my teeth!!
But the truth is our relationship goes little beyond the financial aspect of life. I cant ever remember him telling me that I was beautiful, and I can count the times that I have felt his warm embrace (which have been few and far in between). Alcohol and nicotine have been his wife and children. He recently had heart surgery so his "family" has been forcibly taken from him (if he wants to live).
Substance abuse can really make a person angry. Throughout his adult life this sixty year old man has spent the majority of his time cooped up in his bedroom, letting the television suck his mind away. He never took me to the park, or played catch with me, or encouraged me to play sports. These are all the things I desired growing up.
Now I'm 19 and although I did struggle as much as others might have, there is still something missing within me..a place that I am trying to fill with Christ. I think I might be angry at my dad for all of the things that our relationship lacked. I mentioned before that he can be a rather unhappy man, and sometimes he goes off on rants of anger, he yells and often uses profane words. I'm not sure if he even realizes how much what he says affects me. He may quickly forget his hurtful words but they live on in my mind forever. I digress..back to the dream!!
In the dream I believe I was telling him everything that I ever wanted to say to him. Things that might hurt and things that should help. Have you ever bottled up your emotions for the sake of saving another person pain and heartache?? Only to leave yourself in need of some tenderlovingcare. I told him off and it felt good:)! I cried(in the dream).