ThankYOuComeAgin

Thanksforcoming..I hope we can enlighten eachother on this thing called life and enjoy Jesus at the same time!



Sunday, September 18, 2011

Late Nite Calls

Its 12am. While procrastination slowly threatens to destroy my nights sleep, and I put off preparing my presentation, I break into tears. Sobbing away over the memories of what was and what could have been. Reliving the greatest, and most heartbreaking moments of my life. My emotion consumes me, and I feel out of control. There is no one to call who will understand. My bestfriend is on her way to dreamland, and I'm stuck out here all alone. My only respite, and source of comfort is and has always been God. He is my saving grace. I call on Him, crying, prostrate on my beige carpet praying for relief from the pain that has been nurtured and growing inside me for some time now. Slowly but definitely surely, He answers, comes to the rescue in my distress, and waves of love and peace wash over my soul. My 911 is psalms 46 "God is our refuge and strength. An ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way. My world was collapsing. And the mountains fall into the heart of the sea." Into the sea and on top of me. No matter what others say, I am well aware of who to call on when my soul bursts with joy, and threatens to crumble from sadness. He is awesome.

Realigning.
Akosua. Denell.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Licking Wounds

Someone Like You..I really should stop listening to that song. But I can't.

Is heartbreak addicting, like the desire to stare at the wounds you've reaped for being too impetuous? Do you feel a sense of satisfaction knowing you've taking a risk that leaves you bleeding; sobbing silently in a corner as you reflect on what a shamble it all was, and what it could have been? Clearly it wasn't because you wouldn't feel like you'd just been hit by a tractor-trailer. As if for an instant, oxygen was zapped from your cells and you strained--gasped-for air like a catfish devoid of water. Shriveling to death as a drying blow fish. Yet I can't stop listening to this song.
The passive act of listening to these pain laced lyrics is in some ways cathartic. The sharing of the human experience is reassuring that I'm not alone in a hand basket filled with idiots, who weren't smart enough to look before we leaped, only to forget that we would hit the hard earth eventually. Jumping off the precipice only to land in a valley of jagged mountain, crumbling beneath into an abyss of nothingness. Ignorantly believing that we'd fall into the arms of our love. I didn't fall into His arms. But when I reached for Him, He gathered me, dressed my wounds, and cradled me in His bosom.

Sobbing.
AKos

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Rant: A Theoretical Computer Shortage.

I am a one of a few college students that is without a personal computer. Mine died last year during my time in Ghana. In America's technological, and information driven society, where computers now fit into your pocket, its a wonder that I don't feel left behind. I choose not to own a smartphone, the computer on the other hand is a serious expense that I'm not ready to undertake. Being that I don't own one of those high tech, lighting fast machines, I depend on my university's library to provide my entrance to the information superhighway. For me the library is not a convenience its a necessity. So, imagine my angst when I arrive at the library, during the mid-afternoon (obviously peak time), only to find that almost every machine is in use. Now, I completely understand that the library is a resource to be utilized by every student, even members of the general public, and not myself alone. However it gives me great displeasure to find, on my earnest search of each successive floor, people with not one but two computers at their disposal. Seriously?! As I'm walking to and fro down the isles of this labyrinth of books, I see a spectacle that makes me want to scream.
There's a guy using his laptop, while simultaneously signed on to a desktop! When I clearly saw that he was only using his laptop, I politely asked if he were using the desktop as well, which he clearly was NOT. What was his response you ask? "Yes I'm using both" and he arbitrarily clicked the mouse to show me his activity. Why lie my friend? It is obvious that you are abusing your rights the to the university's computers, when there are myriad students, myself included, in dire need ( I exaggerate) of one. I hid my disdain for this patron's dishonest remarks and quietly strolled away.

Things I'll never understand.
Akos

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Achieving your Goals

What is the difference between wanting something and actually realizing it? Action. If you are hungry do you just sit and wait for food to fall out of the sky? No! You get up and fix yourself something to eat. If you don't have any food you go out and by it. Or if someone offers you food, you take it. My mother says if you don't eat what's in front of  you, then you're not really truly hungry. It's a principle that can be applied to life in general. When you really want something, no matter what your means are you will take action to obtain it. I think that really applies to your relationship with God. Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with ALL you heart. James 4:8 goes on to say "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you..." Could it be any plainer? I'm speaking to myself. Academically, if you want to make the dean's list you can't fool around the entire semester, ignoring all the readings for your course, and then expect to make A's, let alone pass your class. The only time you can not do something and still expect to obtain results is starving yourself to lose weight. And even that abhorable task requires the willpower to ignore your hunger pains. We can't--I can't be lazy. What is it that you really desire in life? The reality is that there are no shortcuts. You have to work for your goals. Pure and simple. Not that there won't be opposition even in your efforts, there most definitely will be. But you still have to try. At least with God you have the assurance of His infallible words that if you do make an effort to trust Him, He will "make the dark places light and the rough places smooth" Isaiah 42:16. What have you got to lose?

Evolving.
Akosua. Asharae. Denell.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Heart For Humans

God's blessed me with a serious serving of Empathy. Maybe it developed from my compounded minority status: African, Female, American. I'm quite sure it has a lot to do with my being on the receiving end of teasing, and less than honorable treatment from other human beings. No need to pity, though compassion would be nice. The Western myth of perfection has constantly eluded me. Until my desire gave way to an understanding that there is perfection in our individuality. Our differences are what make us beautiful. So when I look at people, especially the rejects (myself included), those that do not fit the ubiquitous paradigm of beauty, I smile and hope that they know how special they are. Corny right? I know. But for years I felt that I was weird, not very cute, clumsy and down right awkward. I struggled with my self image. Not feeling skinny enough, having acne, you name it,  I felt it. And now when I look back at the pictures I used to despise I realize how perfect  I was and am, and glory in my "imperfections". I'm not so critical of the superficial qualities. I love that my ears stand out from my head, my overbite, and my sometimes alligator like skin (thanks dad :). They don't make me who I am but they are distinguishing features. I guess what I want to say is that I desire to help others feel the way I do. I know I have yet to fully attain. And everyday I'm bombarded with images that tell me who I am and what I look like aren't good enough. That I'll never find a man if I don't shave my legs or armpits. I beg to differ. I digress.
While I'm aerating the embers that burn within I want to learn to serve others in their apprehension of Love.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

More Than Words

When I think about the relationship that I want with God, the first thing I don't want is a fabrication of emotionally stirring rhetoric. You know the feelings when you get when you listen to a Gospel song that's meant to uplift your downtrodden spirits? When your feeling dejected and despondent turn to God for your rescue! Don't get me wrong. Jesus came to SAVE us. And save us he did. But I'm tired of hearing the same old tired refrain. Tired of feeling empty and only enjoying sporadic bouts of happiness. I want to be full, and stay that way. Depend on God when I'm on TOP of my mountains, not just turn to him to rescue me from the valleys. Don't you agree that it should be more than that? And I know that it can be. The world we live in today is already full of things meant to "fill" us, shoes, name-brand clothing, the latest handbags, big houses, expensive hand bags, jewelry, makeup. That's what its all for: to make us temporarily satisfied. In my 22 years I've been fortunate enough to realize that those things are pointless. They will never be enough. I want peace and Joy and Love that surpass human understanding. Those things are worth more than gold to me, and I know that they are attained only through the knowledge of God. That is what's on my radar.

Balance. Poise. Exhale.
Denell.Akosua.Asharae.Ohema.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Perfecting your Downward Dog

Life is a balancing act. The one thing I need in my life is balance. Whenever I begin to study intensely, I begin to slack on working out, or I lose depth in my spiritual walk. Poise, focus, I need to balance this thing out. I want to be well rounded. Who doesn't?  So what do I do? I have a planner, into which every morsel of my life is entered--well almost all of it. Where do I find the time to fit it all in? The third week of the semester is upon us and I want to catch myself before I fall. There's no one else here to do it. As my reflexes instinctively extend my leg I realize that first I need to ask God for help. Center myself and look within. The answers aren't in this world. I've searched too long only to find it wanting. I want to excel academically without becoming a hermit or social leper. I seek to be fit, without neglecting my studies by caring more for the outside than feeding myself mentally. Isn't this the challenge of life? Our society is one of excess measured on uneven scales. The weight's are off. How do you find moderation without starving yourself of fullness?