Living Like I'm Heaven Bound

So I'm a Christian. I don't like to say that (not because I'm embarrassed of my Jesus because I'm not). It's because so many people make claims to know Jesus but they don't actually have a walk with Christ, they sort of have this idea that he MAYBE exists. What I mean to say is when people talk about Christianity and organized religion, I think there is a very big misconception. My Bishop calls it lip-service and no action. My biggest fear is that I will not represent Christ in the right way. This goes beyond my outward actions. What I am talking about is my thoughts, you know, the way I judge people who aren't quite reaching the bar, or the way I watch this hot guy whose walking down the street. Do I lust after him. I don't know what I trying to say, really. I want my heart be right. My bishop, and other established Christians, always talk about Heaven. They dream about it, fantasize, try to fathom what it would will look like when they go and meet the Lord. But I don't, I guess that's because I know that you won't be able to enter the kingdom unless you are without spot or wrinkle. Jesus help me to be without spot or wrinkle! Please clean me up on the inside and wash me on the outside. Deliver me from my thoughts and give me a humble spirit!

Weed..THe gateway drug

I recently watched the documentary called CRACKHEADS GONE WILD. The documentary aired about two years ago, while I was still in high school and the buzz on it was bananas. I had friends imitate some of the shenanigans and antics depicted by the fiends in the movie. However humours it might be it watch a perturbed man run nude through the streets of Atlanta the movie has a greater message than to that of the humor of its viewers. Daryl Smith wants to shed light on the seriousness of the drug use. Many of the interviewees in the film share stories of how they first became addicted to crack. A key similarity of many of the stories was marijuana use prior to trying crack. They said that as heavy marijuana smokers they wanted to try something new, so they laced to blunt with cocaine and it took them to the mountain top (figuratively speaking). A have a lot of family members that smoke weed recreationaly, and they always tell me that weed is harmless. I hope that in five years they can still say the same thing.

Crackheads Gone WILD!!!

A few years ago a man named Daryl "mastermind" Smith, created a documentary called crackheads gone wild. That depicted the lives of many individuals who were addicted to crack cocaine. In the video there were many personal interviews where the crack feinds would tell their stories of how they became addicted to crack, and how it had destroyed their lives. Sadly enough most of the people in the documentary where black. A certain man named Tony stuck out to me as he told his story of his rise and demise. Once a college student scouted by the Atlanta Braves, now nothing more than a crack fiend. Watch and see

Im Finally NOT Sad

While listening to slow R&B songs and catching up on the latest episode of "A Different World". Something came to me; I realized that, not only am I sick and tired of thinking about my EX, but I can not even entertain the idea of fanticizing about him during a segment of Tamia's "Officially Missing YOu". Not even "Boy I need you bad as a heart beat, Bad as the food I eat baby I need you bad". And I don't want him bad!!! LOL. I hope he's happy with who he's with, and who he is. That didnt even make me weak. Im usually not one to dwell on a song that makes my heart weak for someone I cant obtain.

I'm Not Scared of Lions and Tigers and Bears

This is a poem that I found on someone's Myspace page. It really inspired me, in the background was jasmine sullivans song Lions and Tigers. This song was the perfect complement to the mental pictures that the poem dipicted. Think about it and most of all..ENjoy it!!

Let me drop some knowledge..Like many other women I know I was in a bad relationship. The man I was dating was not for me; not only were our personalities a terrible mix, but I brought my insecurities into the pictures. You see I was struggling with my appearance; I had acne blemishes on my face and they really took away from the beauty I had inside. My Ex was very handsome but having acne made me feel like I wasn't good enough to be with him. Confidence is an extremely important element of a happy life and relationship. My insecurities brought our relationship down. I was afraid to look into the mirrow or even look him in the eye. I felt like he could see right through me; and he could. Years after the relationship ended, I still have a few blemishes but Jesus is the one who makes me feel good about myself and not my apperance. Don't get me wrong, I like to look good just like anyone else, but I don't allow the american set of values dictate how I feel about myself. " Cast your cares on Him, because He cares for you"




IF A MAN WANTS YOU
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
! He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them

I ToOK My LUVe For Granted

I took my love for granted. I took my God for granted; I did not appreciate my Jesus. This summer has been interesting..I had the most awesome semester at school. Upon arrive God blessed me to be surrounded by wonderful young christian men and women. Accountability was soo key!!! Its hard to slack on God at school because there are so many people rooting for you and supporting your walk with Christ. But once the semester ends..YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN!! And truthfully; I haven't been taking care of my responsibilities. I haven't been reading my word as faithfully, or praying. I know that's a recipe for disaster!!! But tonight at bible study my bishop taught us about taking responsibility for our lives and our walks. So today-tonight I made a vow, to myself that I have to make a serious effort to better my relationship with Jesus. Because the reality of it is that he gave his life for me, and I have to give my life for Him. I think that we as Christians just assume that we are going to wake up in the morning, or be around in five years. Human beings make plans but in the end God has the final say. We EXPECT God to protect us, keep us sane, and keep us healthy. What would happen if he suddenly snatched His grace from us??? In hell would we lift our eyes???

Be Blessed

Lookin 4 Gud Musizk..

Its late, and i want something good to play in my eardrums and mellow me off to sleep.
Tamia is what i'm feelin'
I kind of have the urge to visit his page, but thats a habit i've been strong enough to kick. To seemingly scroll along his FB looking for something new isnt exactly what I would call a HOT DATE,ya know new pics or something. Pathetic I know!!! Anything for a glimpse into the world I used to know...
This is an email that evolved into a poem

I am writing you this because i am almost certain that you will never ever read it. I really dont want you to because you might think im some kind of stalker, which im not. Even though you dont know the real me, and I'd like to keep it that way. I dnt know wat to say...some times i miss you, and other times I hate you... well not really hate I just wish i would have never met you. Sometimes I wonder if your happy..are you happy? With who you are and who you are with? Are you with anybody, Have you changed or are you still the same. I see you as this older more mature guy but the truth is your still a little boy, twenty isnt that old. I wonder why I still think of you, maybe its because you were my first real one, but was it real or just some imagination. Some daydream that I suddenly faded out of...slowly. You always said they'd come back... Who are you? Thats something I never found out. I never really knew who you were as person, was your heart ever anyone elses to have besides tyeste?? did i spell it rite. I know we were only supposed to know each other for a season in and out right????

What my dreams are made of ...

My first thoughts waking up..thank you Jesus for waking me up..second thought..writing????
Hmm interesting hehe..
So this is what I dreamt last night..I was mainly about my father. You see there are some unresolved issues in our relationship and the tension has been escalating for quite a while now. Don't get me wrong now, I love my daddy; he's been a great provider. I have never wanted fore any reasonable thing that he has denied me. By reasonable I mean clothing, a home, and food, not to mention the braces that have straightened my teeth!!
But the truth is our relationship goes little beyond the financial aspect of life. I cant ever remember him telling me that I was beautiful, and I can count the times that I have felt his warm embrace (which have been few and far in between). Alcohol and nicotine have been his wife and children. He recently had heart surgery so his "family" has been forcibly taken from him (if he wants to live).
Substance abuse can really make a person angry. Throughout his adult life this sixty year old man has spent the majority of his time cooped up in his bedroom, letting the television suck his mind away. He never took me to the park, or played catch with me, or encouraged me to play sports. These are all the things I desired growing up.
Now I'm 19 and although I did struggle as much as others might have, there is still something missing within me..a place that I am trying to fill with Christ. I think I might be angry at my dad for all of the things that our relationship lacked. I mentioned before that he can be a rather unhappy man, and sometimes he goes off on rants of anger, he yells and often uses profane words. I'm not sure if he even realizes how much what he says affects me. He may quickly forget his hurtful words but they live on in my mind forever. I digress..back to the dream!!
In the dream I believe I was telling him everything that I ever wanted to say to him. Things that might hurt and things that should help. Have you ever bottled up your emotions for the sake of saving another person pain and heartache?? Only to leave yourself in need of some tenderlovingcare. I told him off and it felt good:)! I cried(in the dream).

TalkToMe SamC

So this is my first blog...hmm its about time that I utilize my time for good instead of evil...(facebooking and myspace)...all ways to dwindle the mind down to a big hunk of nothing.
However I can't take all the credit for this sudden enlightenment...it was another young black sister who inspired me to put my thoughts down on the cyber page.
Anyways I was watching the movie TALK To Me with Don Cheadle..
Very good movie...excuse me if my verbage doesnt capture the essense of my reality of the film (im trying to improve the vocab now)
As they depicted what it was like to live in DC during the time Dr. King was assassinated they played "A change Gonna come" by SAm CookE. I dnt know what it is about soul music...it simply chills me to the core...im not down with all the hiphop and rap...you know the kind of music where the beat speaks more to you than the words to and if you simply read the lyrics you'd wonder how this highly paid rapper even makes a living....hmmm
That song tempted my to cry...(i do it at the drop of a dime)..you could hear the pain in this voice ...this man who died at only 33 years..just like my Jesus
Thanks for Reading
MoretoCome