I Need Friends

I had myself fooled for a while, that shy timid part of me, had myself fooled into thinking that I was an introvert. That I didn't need nor want friends. Can you relate? As the youngest of 5, with a 14 year difference between myself and my older sister, I grew up in isolation. Not for lack of company, there was always someone in the house, but more because I felt I had no one to relate to. As a child I felt judged for my shyness, and awkward sensibility. During the beginning of my college experience I shied away from the young women's bible study group, notwithstanding my burning desire for friendship and sisterhood. Only recently, within the last two years, have I become cognizant of  how enriching friendships are to life, and felt comfortable in revealing myself to others, with the confidence of knowing that no matter how  they receive me, the love I have for myself will never change. A part of me loving myself has a lot to do with allowing myself to have relationships. The deprivation is probably readily apparent to anyone  I meet throughout the week. Isolation is dangerous, and I can't live life without social relationships. I used to rely on my family to provide the my outlets for expression, and while I value their existence no less, I have to reach out to other sources for relief. It is not coincidental that this revelation coincides with my confrontation with my past demons, that kept me in bondage for so long. I'm like a flower that is enjoying a spring rain for the first time, and I'm blooming. I no longer feel the need to stand alone brooding in a corner waiting for someone to come and empathize with me. And while my past experiences still hurt to the touch, the healing process has certainly begun. I still want someone to hug me and to love on me. Fortunately I was blessed with a wonderful father, in heaven and on earth, that is here to do just that. There are people who love me and people who don't. But my hope is in Galatians 2:20 .."in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me". Christ, the Lord above, is my first love. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.. 1 John 4:10. He is the first, and last person to ever love me. I can never be reminded of that fact too often. Why seek a shadow of this love from mere human beings when I can get the true Love from God above? He still uses us to transmit it. :)

To Learning.
Akos