ThankYOuComeAgin

Thanksforcoming..I hope we can enlighten eachother on this thing called life and enjoy Jesus at the same time!



Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Nugget for the Day

When you see crazy coming,..Cross the STREET! Iyanla

Peace
Akos

Best I Ever Had

 An old post I decided to evict from the drafts bin..its always interesting to see what you were thinking way back when. This was June 2010. Wow


Did I just ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me?
Our meeting seemed to be destiny.

Before you enter into a relationship, make sure you're ready.
Really, truly ready.
Any baggage that you have is only going to make it harder on you and your other
Make sure that spiritually you are strong, so that you can withstand the desire that comes when your passions are ignited.
After getting to know a person there is a natural inclination to want to KNOW them in a physical manner.
Those things have their place, but only when your ready, and for me that means marriage.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I Need Friends

I had myself fooled for a while, that shy timid part of me, had myself fooled into thinking that I was an introvert. That I didn't need nor want friends. Can you relate? As the youngest of 5, with a 14 year difference between myself and my older sister, I grew up in isolation. Not for lack of company, there was always someone in the house, but more because I felt I had no one to relate to. As a child I felt judged for my shyness, and awkward sensibility. During the beginning of my college experience I shied away from the young women's bible study group, notwithstanding my burning desire for friendship and sisterhood. Only recently, within the last two years, have I become cognizant of  how enriching friendships are to life, and felt comfortable in revealing myself to others, with the confidence of knowing that no matter how  they receive me, the love I have for myself will never change. A part of me loving myself has a lot to do with allowing myself to have relationships. The deprivation is probably readily apparent to anyone  I meet throughout the week. Isolation is dangerous, and I can't live life without social relationships. I used to rely on my family to provide the my outlets for expression, and while I value their existence no less, I have to reach out to other sources for relief. It is not coincidental that this revelation coincides with my confrontation with my past demons, that kept me in bondage for so long. I'm like a flower that is enjoying a spring rain for the first time, and I'm blooming. I no longer feel the need to stand alone brooding in a corner waiting for someone to come and empathize with me. And while my past experiences still hurt to the touch, the healing process has certainly begun. I still want someone to hug me and to love on me. Fortunately I was blessed with a wonderful father, in heaven and on earth, that is here to do just that. There are people who love me and people who don't. But my hope is in Galatians 2:20 .."in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me". Christ, the Lord above, is my first love. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.. 1 John 4:10. He is the first, and last person to ever love me. I can never be reminded of that fact too often. Why seek a shadow of this love from mere human beings when I can get the true Love from God above? He still uses us to transmit it. :)

To Learning.
Akos 

Monday, April 23, 2012

I Keep Making the Same Mistakes

This year, my living arrangement with 3, former, strangers has brought me new insights about my Walk. The most salient of them deal with legalism. Ask any one of my roommates and they can definitely tell you that I've make tons of mistakes this year, from consuming unmarked foods, to removing their clothes from the washer. I've done my part to exact a measure of penance for these ignominious acts, and if I could take them back I certainly would..I digress. Now 8 months in, I am making more efforts than ever before to watch my steps, and make sure that I don't offend in the same manner, because not every one is given the same measure of grace. That said, it only takes a short amount of time for one of them to find fault in my actions. I must state unequivocally that it is not my desire in anyway to adjudicate in regards to these matters. My point is to say that no matter how long it might take, I am going to mess up. There will be something I that do that is perceived in a negative way, no matter how hard I try to make sure that I do everything perfectly. It just won't happen, because I'm a human being, and I don't always wash my dishes as soon as I'm finished with  them. I don't immediately take out the trash when the bag is full. I might forget to clean up my side of the counters. Mistakes will come. Extrapolating this argument to my walk with Christ, and you can see where I'm going with this. All I can say is thank God for Jesus. That God sees Jesus' righteousness when He looks at me, and not my faults. If I can't please three twenty-something year old women, how much greater will my faults be when compared to a Holy God? There is no way that I'd get it right all of the time. That's why I have to put my faith in Jesus' ability to shine, and be the best thing in me. We are saved by the Grace of God, through our faith in Christ. Let's not forget on whom we rely for salvation.

Akos.

Media Fast - Day One

Today marks the official first day of my media fast. I  spend waaaayyy too much time on the internet, squandering away precious time that could be used for important things like reading my bible, and working on my ten-page historiography paper. So, in an effort to get my creative juices flowing, and get the gears turning I've decided to blog about my experiences during this fast. Too often I feel like fiend addicted to Facebook and Youtube videos. It has to stop. There are so many things about my life that have to change, and I have to start somewhere so why not here? First item on the list is to deactivate the Facebook page. It wasn't enough for me to just log off. I need to know that I can't be contacted, its a mind thing. Next is blocking off all internet blogging sites, TheYBF, Necole Bitchie, and BCK. Hair blogs are allowed because I don't use them for my procrastinating devices. I have failed numerous times at this task. Let's see if we can't get it right this time.

Smiles,
Akos.

I will be tuning in and relaying my thoughts as they come.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Let The Dead Bury Their Own Dead

This post has been festering in my psyche for a while now. I guess I might as well speak on it, so I can free up some space.

When its over, do you dig a hole six feet deep and bury it? Sprinkle some dust and give last rights?
Lay a bouquet of slightly browned flowers, and pluck their withered petals and let them dance into the dirt.
What are you supposed to do when you finally realize that its over? No more phone calls or "I'm just thinking about you texts", no more anything. This relationship is just as dead as your future with them--bleek and lonely reaking of unsastifaction. Is it possible to contravene the desire to look back, salt pillars and destruction await if you do. The ties that bind souls aren't contravened easily, much prayer and fasting are needed to rend the thoughts and spine tinglings that accompany your memory. I've mourned your loss far too long. It's to easy to hold on the the familar, anxiety subsumes me when I ponder walking forward in to the singular unknown. I have known, I always knew that you weren't the One. Faith in God couldn't unite us, more time was waisted. The temptation to put U and I together, endures, but fruitless are the realities. I'm done. It was hard to say, and even harder to realize. Our oneness was futile, never bringing forth life, instead death was immenent. It's over. I have said my prayer. Now be gone from me, I want no more to do with you.
I thought I loved you, and knew you luved me.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Oh How Wondrous

..is the name of the Lord!


The above song, by one of my all time favorite gospel artists, has been in my mind all week,  and its quickly becoming one of my favorites. It entered my consciousness like a familiar friend. When I had enough words to complete a Google search that was it. This week has been a trying one, but not of random circumstance. Time and time again the familiar mantra about making my bed, and lying in it, or living in the hole I've dug for myself continually reoccur in my mind. But though my bad decisions I come running back to that old stalwart, my faith in God. He rescues me from the monsters of my own creation, and again I feel unworthy, thank God for Jesus.
A favorite preacher of mine Andrew Wommack coined a phrase that gets me through my lonely days and pathetic nights: "God loves me not because I am lovely, but because He is Love"
When my wretchedness threatens to consume me I realize that its not about me anyway; but instead Christ and His sacrifice and how because of Him I find worth in God's sight. That's why I can't help but say " Oh how wondrous is the name of the Lord!" It couldn't be more true.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Taken to New World

The historian in me loves this! The diaspora is visible throughout the new world. I am excited to visit/live in Mexico and see the remnants of Africans.